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Natural Awakenings Washington DC Metro

Relationships Are Lessons in Love

Jan 29, 2015 08:56PM
by Rev. Jim Webb

There are many ways to look at relationships. One perspective is to see them as lessons in love. From casual relationships, such as our bond with the cashier at the local convenience store, to “profound” relationships, such as those with our parents, children or lovers, and all of those in between, relationships can show us several things—where we have love, where we need love, or where we can expand love.

When we feel loved, we share it easily, because love is a flow, and our relationships seem balanced and fulfilling. When we don’t feel the flow of love, we have become conditioned to unconsciously expect or demand that relationships “give” us the love that we feel lacking from inside.

For example, we create “scripts” such as “If my child acts respectful if my parent or boss is complimentary to me, or if my friend is attentive to me, then I will feel loved.” If for some reason they are unwilling or unable to abide by the script created in the mind, then we feel unloved and “act out” in some way. This is how relationships show us where we need love.

The only problem with this scenario is that the other person is often unaware of the “contract” you have created in your mind because that is the only place that it exists or that they are in violation of this imaginary contract. You act out your hurt by blaming, withholding, shaming, screaming, provoking or demanding, or something worse, which moves the relationship even further out of balance and further out of love.

The mystical secret of relationships is that we have the power to feel loved, loving and lovable regardless of what is happening in our outer relationships. We can use meditation (which is simply quieting your mind) to focus on a Central Source of Love in the Universe—regardless of what you chose to call this Source. As we become aware of this Central Source of Love, you can imagine that you feel its loving presence surrounding you and pouring love into you. Even if you are just imaging this, you begin to feel loved, loving and lovable. You then automatically begin sharing this love freely. This extra injection of love expands your awareness of love and your ability to expand love. This really works.

You can try it in small situation to see how easy and effective it can be. Imagine a person, such as the cashier who always seems sullen and rude, causing you to feel unloved. Before your next interaction, imagine yourself connecting with the Central Source of Love, being filled with love. Imagine the feeling of peace and euphoria you sense as you are surrounded and filled by this love, and imagine this love overflowing to envelop your “favorite” cashier. Now go in there full of love and wrap her in it.

If you try this a few times, you will see a noticeable difference in your interactions with her. You can then try this on others and in the process you will become accustomed to feeling loved, lovable and loving as more of your natural state. You will feel more peaceful, more confident and you will have a sense of more joy. You will learn a wonderful lesson in love.

Rev. Jim Webb is the Senior Minister at Takoma Park Chapel, 10000 New Hampshire Ave., Silver Spring on the campus of the National Labor College.  He is offering Sunday sermons on Forging Fierce Relationships throughout the month of February and offers relationship coaching and counseling. For more info on the sermon series, visit For counseling, visit or call 202-253-6009. 


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