From Me to We
Apr 28, 2015 10:29PM
The path of transitioning from being single to being a loving couple can seem complex and intimidating. Here are a few questions to consider if you are ready to make that wonderful journey.
First things first: How well do you know yourself? How do you treat yourself? Are you critical and self-loathing, or are you supportive and respectful of yourself and partner? Are you life -affirming in your actions or self-diminishing? Be aware of your history and the role it plays in your needs and wants without holding your partner hostage to being the supplier of what you did or did not receive in your childhood, adolescence or past relationships.
Clarity helps: If you’re looking for a relationship, then you are looking for a commitment. The question is—what do you each want to commit to (dating, marriage, children, sex, companionship, passion, spiritual journey, romance, play)? Can you speak your commitment without shame or fear?
Having different relationship commitments may require negotiation or it may not work at all. For example: one may want children and the other does not. In such a case, both may be happier going for what is really wanted, with someone of similar values.
Can you agree on a shared vision for your future? Time to compare notes (hint, do this in writing separately first, then share what you each write). Talk about both the points of connection and the places where you differ.
Discuss your history, strengths, vulnerabilities and patterns. What will come easily and what will take extra effort from each of you? Will you need support? Can you ask for what you need?
Finally, let go and have fun, so you can live and love. All the steps you took to get here are now part of you—separately and together. See each other as a glorious gift that allows you to see yourself in the reflection of the other.
Milagros Phillips and Paul Fogarty have a shared commitment to deepening bonds within families, friends and couples through seminars, play-shops and retreats. To learn more about their next event, contact them at [email protected] and [email protected] or visit InnerGems.com.